Softer than Satin was the Light
by toolostforyou
Summary: For the prompt: 'Angstfic. They get back together to find they have changed so much over the last four years. Nothing is easy.'


There first real issue hits them earlier than either expected. They agreed that they would date and sex would come naturally, they wouldn't force it, they wouldn't schedule it, they would treat it as if it was the first time they dated. It was awkward, they kept clashing teeth, foreheads would get bumped and nothing really went right. The main part that surprised Will was when Mackenzie tensed up when his hands went over her scar, her eyes weren't even open; her lips were parted, head tilted back as his tongue flicked over her nipple but she tensed up, looking as if she was about to recoil from him.

He would never admit to her that that split second hurt him, although it was an automatic reaction and he knew that she never spoke about what happened in Islamabad (or any of her time in the middle east) but it still hurt.

The nightmares came next. A month into their relationship Will was staying over at Mackenzie's apartment, she was wrapped in his arms, and her back pressed against his chest. She awoke him as she started to struggle and it didn't take him long to notice the sweat forming on her body, the whimpers that left her and the way her legs were kicking against him.

"Get off." He barely heard her pleas but he didn't know what to do. The protective part of him was telling him to keep hold of her, make her feel safe and secure and it will pass. However, the way she was begging made him want to let go of her and hope she woke herself up. He froze for a few moments, his nose buried in the crook of her neck, trying to draw his own comfort her.

She awoke herself with a scream before he made his decision, she was sobbing now and conscious to her surrounding.

"Are you okay?" She didn't answer him, just nodded as she tried to get the emotions under control. His grip went to tighten on her but she pushed his arms away from her waist, moving a few inches away from him and towards the edge of the bed.

"I need some air. I'm warm." Was all she managed to get out, her arms hugging the pillow she had settled on.

Neither of them slept for the rest of the night.

"You're drunk."

Mackenzie was biting down on her lower lip to stop herself from giggling; she hadn't taken anything Will had said seriously since she walked in. Sloan and her had decided to go for a few cocktails after work, not that they expected to drink as much as they did. They just kept asking for another cocktail and it had been a while since they had had a catch up so the alcohol kept flowing.

"I'm tipsy, not drunk."

"Your drunk."

She held onto the wall as she pulled off her heels, leaving them by the front door then throwing her trench coat over the breakfast bar.

"I'm tired and we have to go to work in the morning, please can we go to bed?"

She didn't wait for an answer before she headed towards Will's bedroom, his apartment had been closer than hers and he was expecting her anyway.

"Manage not to sleep with any ex boyfriends?"

She paused in the doorway, taking a deep breath and trying to calm the anger that suddenly started bubbling away inside of her.

"That's not fair."

He knew that the affair had mostly happened after she had had too much to drink, Brian had been the definition of charming and sometimes 'come around and crawl into bed' was tempting after one too many cosmos and a lonely bed.

"Brian is in California anyway. And before you even ask how I know it's pretty much well known that he, as Sloan put it, 'sold his soul to the devil that is entertainment weekly'. It was just Sloan and I."

She wasn't in the mood for this; she just pulled off her clothes, leaving them where they fell on the floor and curled up into bed. She knew trust was going to be an issue, it was always going to be there under the surface but she didn't think it would be this far forward.

When Mackenzie went to sleep, he wasn't in the bed next to her, and when she woke up, there were no signs he had slept with her.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" She hissed down into her headpiece, leaning over the controls and staring at the screen in front of her. Will was interviewing a freshman college student over their views about tuition prices and how their education should be paid. They had agreed to be fair but something had been stuck up Will's arse all day and he was taking out on the student who was the definition of 'daddy's little princess'.

"She's not the one who deciding legislation on this, back the fuck off her." He obviously wasn't listening, he didn't even flinch when Mackenzie's voice started to become higher and louder. Running her hands through her hair, she took a step back and away from the controls.

"Go to commercial now." She wasn't even speaking to Will now, she didn't care if it wasn't going to look seamless, it was better than Northwestern 2.0. "Now!"

She was out of the room before the titles ran, storming across the hall into the studio. The feed of the young girl still on in the background who was on the verge of tears.

"Thank you Christina, we're going to cut the feed now. I will ring you later once I've spoken with Will." The guys in the control room obviously heard because the television behind Will went black.

"Never ever do that again, it's not her fault she was born into a life of privilege and doesn't need to worry about student loans. Get your head out of your fucking arse. I'm done for the night, I'm leaving Jim in charge."

It was the first time she had left a broadcast early or didn't finish the show, she knew that Jim could handle it and they were still fighting to keep him on their team. She felt like part of the dig was at her, he had struggled while she had done to private school and basically had her internship handed to her on a plate.

Will came around her apartment around midnight, noticing the bottle of red on her coffee table before joining her in bed, whispering apologizes as he slowly made love to her.

Mackenzie woke up on her 43rd birthday to a pillow with a single rose on it and a little blue Tiffany box next to it.

"Will?" Mackenzie shouted out through the apartment and was met with silence, there was no note and no sign as to where he had actually gone. Picking up the box, she carefully sat up in bed, pulling the sheets up with her due to it being a chilly November morning. Taking off the lid, she dropped the box into her hand before opening the lid.

Tears instantly lined her eyes when she looked down at the ring that she said a few years ago 'would do it'. Slowly shaking her head, she played with the ring; putting it on the correct finger and then sliding it back off again.

She wasn't sure how long she had been sat there when she heard the front door open and movement in the kitchen and living area. Mackenzie purposely didn't make a noise, until Will came into the room and she let him speak first.

"What's wrong?"

"No. My answer is no." She tried to fight back the tears as she put the ring back into the box, swallowing back the lump in her throat. "I don't know if it's a 'never no' or a 'not right now no'. I love you, I've been open about that but I still feel like you don't trust me, I see the weary look you give me when I come back later than planned, I still feel like you're making digs at me, we argue more than anyone else. We're not on steady ground yet and I can't until then."

The silence that followed was the worst, it seemed to stretch on for hours and they had work at eight. Will seemed to understand, she let out a breath as he pressed his lips against her forehead and headed towards the shower.

In the end, the rose lasted longer than their relationship did from that point.


End file.
